U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dick very happy bro
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
