Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
