Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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