Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
