Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
