then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Terrible idea I love it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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