you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
