Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
