i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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