Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
