Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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  (816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5
  Replies (40) Good night (4688) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher

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  (734): Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher http://tfl.nu/nr2j
  Replies (22) Good night (698) Bad night (2830)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.

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  (251): i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend. http://tfl.nu/2rn9
  Replies (9) Good night (723) Bad night (1981)
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  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

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  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (1361) Bad night (7795)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C

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  (401): so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C http://tfl.nu/zt1d
  Replies (12) Good night (3990) Bad night (1104)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

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  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (5237) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"

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  (973): when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!" http://tfl.nu/xs9f
  Replies (3) Good night (2744) Bad night (1193)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (3139) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.

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  (360): Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites. http://tfl.nu/6ydr
  Replies (3) Good night (1164) Bad night (599)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch

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  (203): we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch http://tfl.nu/wvpl
  Replies (7) Good night (2550) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.

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  (703): I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet. http://tfl.nu/knpf
  Replies (2) Good night (1649) Bad night (613)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god

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  (303): Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god http://tfl.nu/bdku
  Replies (13) Good night (1315) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

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  (985): Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers. (504): This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot. http://tfl.nu/gotr
  Replies (2) Good night (1007) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.

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  (813): I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa. http://tfl.nu/wwaj
  Replies (8) Good night (949) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by

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  (801): I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by http://tfl.nu/pt0j
  Replies (5) Good night (383) Bad night (394)

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