he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.