Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.