I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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