Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.