I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
