I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish I only lived at night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
