So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
