I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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