Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
