Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it hurts more in the daytime
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
