Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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