The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How does one acquire holy water?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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