The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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