last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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