I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
