even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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