the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
