I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..