We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.