Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
