Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.

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  (617): whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker. http://tfl.nu/hnpp
  Replies (14) Good night (1874) Bad night (877)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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  (973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer. http://tfl.nu/dm7j
  Replies (21) Good night (615) Bad night (2987)
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  (328): View more from

  im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?

  (1-328): View more from

  anal.

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  (328): im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is? (1-328): anal. http://tfl.nu/bglg
  Replies (33) Good night (5880) Bad night (1525)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.

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  (248): I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice. http://tfl.nu/zl11
  Replies (22) Good night (977) Bad night (6637)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

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  (757): sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying... http://tfl.nu/9slh
  Replies (46) Good night (8819) Bad night (766)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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  (502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50
  Replies (10) Good night (4644) Bad night (1438)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

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  (281): well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido" http://tfl.nu/7omt
  Replies (27) Good night (1697) Bad night (4730)
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  (+39): View more from

  my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.

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  (+39): my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever. http://tfl.nu/kcqx
  Replies (8) Good night (2913) Bad night (1240)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.

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  (615): We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers. http://tfl.nu/6a3z
  Replies (6) Good night (2209) Bad night (833)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.

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  (608): Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice. http://tfl.nu/it3i
  Replies (4) Good night (539) Bad night (1135)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.

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  (406): He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die. http://tfl.nu/b33e
  Replies (3) Good night (874) Bad night (578)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive

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  (412): The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive http://tfl.nu/jyc3
  Replies (3) Good night (1503) Bad night (486)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity

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  (832): I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle. (214): I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity http://tfl.nu/3j7l
  Replies (2) Good night (724) Bad night (352)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.

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  (651): I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas. http://tfl.nu/rih0
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (263)
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  (530): View more from California

  I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."

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  (530): I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them." http://tfl.nu/ps6s
  Replies (1) Good night (405) Bad night (298)

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