Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head