i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.