Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
