Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?