Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
