i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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