i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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