I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
50% drunk capacity currently
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
