Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
