would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
