1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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