saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just high enough for therapy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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