Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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