I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
