I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
