I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
