dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i came on her dog
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
