Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just forgot I was standing up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
