there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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