I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
