Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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