connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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