would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
