I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
