Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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