wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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