Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
