If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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