Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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