I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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