Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
