Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
