and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
