Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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