why didn't you poke me back
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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