I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
