Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
