You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
