i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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