I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
