I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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