nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
