I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things