You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.