Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
