If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
