spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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