when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
