Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
