I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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