Can Purell be used as lube?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
